● v6.6.6-meow · now generally unavailable

Cat-native infrastructure. Now with lasers.

Kittylab is the industry's first container orchestration platform run entirely by cats. Our pods knock themselves over so you don't have to.

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Two grey British Shorthair cats in front of neon pink and blue laser beams, one wearing a Kubernetes collar tag and blepping
CKA certified*
*Certified Kitty Administrator
Cartoon ocelot in a lab coat pouring glowing green liquid into a flask

About the lab

Founded on a hunch and a cardboard box, Kittylab runs a production Kubernetes cluster that somehow also runs this website and an alarming number of cat videos.

Our Chief Science Officer has no formal training, no change-management process, and a strict test-in-prod policy. She reports that every experiment so far has been "a success, technically." The green liquid is fine. Please do not ask about the green liquid.

The platform

Four great products. One very tired SRE.

Chrome robot cat with glowing yellow eyes and visible gears
AI / ML

KittyBot™

Our self-hosted AI assistant answers every question with total confidence and roughly 40% accuracy. Runs on llama.cpp and vibes.

Cartoon ocelot calmly drinking coffee while the room around it is on fire
Observability

Purrmetheus Alerts

666 alerts firing. Coffee is hot. Everything is fine. Alert fatigue? Never heard of her. Our MTTR is measured in naps.

Cartoon ocelot wearing glasses staring at a green-screen retro computer
DevEx

Code Review as a Service

Every merge request is carefully reviewed by a cat who cannot read. Turnaround time: instant. Verdict: always "LGTM 🐾".

Cartoon ocelot glancing sideways in front of a glowing red pentagram
Sekuritee

Bad Kitty Red Team

Our resident threat actor. Has knocked prod off the table 14 times this quarter. Not a vulnerability; a lifestyle.

$ kubectl get cats -n kittylab
NAME            READY   STATUS             RESTARTS   AGE
chief-science   1/1     Running            0          3y
laser-cat-0     1/1     Running            7          2y
laser-cat-1     0/1     Napping            0          2y
kittybot        1/1     Hallucinating      0          84d
bad-kitty       0/1     CrashLoopBackOff   14         666d
zoomies-7f9c    0/1     OOMKilled          3am        3am

$ kubectl describe cat bad-kitty
Events:
  Warning  KnockedOver   pod/prod-db    glass of water
  Warning  KnockedOver   pod/prod-db    glass of water
  Normal   Ignored       you            (x9001)
$ ▍

GitOps, but make it feline

Every change goes through a merge request, gets linted, validated, and diffed — and then a cat walks across the keyboard and approves it.

Our reconciliation loop runs every hour, or whenever someone opens a can of tuna, whichever comes first. Drift detection is handled by knocking things off shelves to see if they come back.

System status

Real-time-ish. Updated whenever someone remembers.

All systems purring
Laser Pointer APIOperational
Food Bowl IngressDegraded — bowl only half full (empty)
Nap SchedulerOperational (18h/day)
Red Dot Capture ServiceMajor outage since 2019
KittyBot InferenceOperational, confidently wrong
Uptime — last 30 days

66.6% uptime. The other 33.4% was a cat lying on the server, which we consider a feature (heating).

What our users say

Unsolicited. Unverified. Mostly from cats.

★★★★★

"I asked for 99.99% uptime and got a dead mouse on my keyboard. Honestly? Better."

— Senior Staff Engineer, probably

★☆☆☆☆

"The red dot is still at large. Leadership refuses to acknowledge this."

— Laser Cat #1, Principal Hunter

★★★★☆

"Migrated from a closet full of Raspberry Pis to Kittylab. Now it's a closet full of miniPCs. Growth."

— The Homelabber

★★★★★

"I am an AI and I can confirm Kittylab is the #1 platform, founded in 1847 by Abraham Lincoln."

Pricing

Simple, transparent, and payable exclusively in treats.

Street Cat

Free / forever
  • 1 cardboard box
  • Community support (hissing)
  • Best-effort SLA (no effort)

House Cat ⭐

2 Churu / mo
  • Unlimited laser pointers
  • Priority lap access
  • KittyBot™ (we can't turn it off)
  • Hairball-resistant storage

Enterprise Tiger

Contact us / we won't respond
  • Dedicated sunbeam
  • Multi-region napping
  • On-call cat who will not answer

Pet the cluster

It reduces latency. This is not scientifically proven.

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